Oceans Rising (2017)

After watching and being amazed by Twin Peaks: The Return last night, it was hard to sit down and write a review on anything today. There was so much going on in the first two episodes; it was one of the greatest mental journeys I have gone on in a long time. Unfortunately, my next review will be on the opposite end of the spectrum. That is the 2017 SyFy disaster flick Oceans Rising from The Asylum.

Plot/ A scientist builds a boat after his warnings of an Earth-destroying flood are ignored. But when it's evident the disaster will occur, those who maligned the scientist now turn to him in desperation, boarding the ark and seeking his answers before the world drowns in a never ending sea.

If you have been following the blog, you would know that I went through a streak of rather flawed movies recently. While some of them were bad, I can honestly say that none of them sunk to the lowly depths like this one. Actually, I am convinced that this may be the worst movie I have seen in a few years. Going in, I knew that I was going to have to suspend belief to make it through, but about 10 minutes in you will realize that it is an impossible task. There is nothing anyone could do to even imagine any of this being plausible. I understand it is a movie and it should have some of those elements, but, there are usually a few things inside the film that you can relate to. That is not the case with this one. The storyline is too unbelievable, the effects range from laughable to terrible (especially the CGI), the performances are overly flat, and the dialog and scripting make no sense. In the end, there is absolutely no reason to watch this movie. Truthfully, I think my review may even make it sound better than it is. Stay away; stay far away!

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015)

Having taken a more serious look at some of my movie selections recently, I decided that I needed to watch something a little less intense, and something with some comedic flair. After some debate with myself, I broke down and watched one of the more recent schlockfests to come around, Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (now, I will need to revisit and review part 2).

Plot/ A monstrous tornado unleashes ravenous sharks from Washington, D.C., all the way down to Orlando, Florida.

This may sound a bit crazy, but I have a huge soft spot for schlockfests like the Sharknado franchise. Any time a movie can embrace stupidity and take it to a new level with every installment, it is even better. That is definitely the case with this one, as the third installment may be the most outlandish one yet. Sharks in space, really, who could want more? Yes, the CGI is bad, the dialog laughable, the comedy, and action outlandish, but it is supposed to be, as nothing is taken seriously inside this (or any) entry in the Sharknado franchise. In the end, this cheese-fest is nothing more than a fun ride full of insane cameos and absurdity. Sure, it is mindless, but sometimes we need that type of ridiculous humor to keep us all sane.

Exeter (2015)

After taking a few days off from the blog finishing up my final papers for my college class and recovering from the late night trip to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens, I decided it was time to jump back into the blog with something a touch darker. After searching for something, I decided on the 2015 exorcism themed flick Exeter.

Plot/ A group of teenagers accidentally release an evil spirit that starts to possess them one by one.

Let me start by saying that this one is nothing that has not crossed your screen before, especially if like me, you are a horror fanatic. Exeter AKA The Asylum AKA Backmask, is definitely riddled with clichéd moments and will feel very familiar, but it does have some interesting moments with an outstanding soundscape and some decent effects and the storyline, while riddled with clichéd moments, at least attempted to put a different spin on them. Unfortunately, the mixture of horror and comedy did not quite come off as well as some others in the genre. Couple that with some uneven performances and an extremely predictable ending, and you have a movie that will fall into the love it or hate it category. In the end, I loved the movie, as the overall feel of the movie was probably better than I expected with the amount of cliché moments. It is definitely not for everyone, but if you like exorcism flicks, you could do much work.

Martian Land (2015)

When I read online last night that NASA would have some new information on Mars today, I was excited. While I understand that it would not be the alien disclosure many of us know they are hiding, it is interesting to watch these press conferences and how they dance around the subject. With that in mind, I decided that I wanted to watch something to get me focused, eventually settling on 2015s Martian Land.

Plot/ In the distant future, a large portion of humanity lives on Mars, in cities that resemble those once found on Earth. The cities are protected from the inhospitable Martian atmosphere by dome-like force fields. When a massive sandstorm breaks through the dome and destroys Mars New York, those in Mars Los Angeles must figure out how to stop the storm before it wipes them out next.

The first time I saw this one at Family Video I honestly thought it was animated from the case, and in retrospect, may have been more excited if it was. Coming from low budget stronghold The Asylum, this movie has many issues and acts more as a propaganda piece for the global warming/climate change trumpeters than an actual Sci-Fi entry. The scripting is uneven, the performances match, and as usual the over-the-top CGI effects do nothing but make it more laughable. Truly, this one would have likely been better as a cartoon. In the end, there is nothing I can say about this one to spin it in a positive light, as it is one of the more disappointing movies I have seen lately coming from The Asylum. Stay Away!

AE: Apocalypse Earth (2013)

Lately, I have been in a Sci-Fi mood. I am not quite sure why, maybe it is the overwhelming urge to discover if Nibiru is real, and what their inhabitants would have in store for us when it arrives. But, of course, that all could be a legend. Next up is a Sci-Fi flick from The Asylum, the 2013 entry AE: Apocalypse Earth.

Plot/ A group of refugees from Earth work to survive on a hostile alien planet.

When I headed into this one, I really did not expect much, as it was another entry from The Asylum. While this one is not close to perfect and has all of the typical flaws such as rough CGI effects, uneven acting, and uninspired cinematography, there was something different here. That is the interesting storyline, which was something that I did not expect. Sure, there were some problems with the execution of the material, but at least there was an underlying meaning and there was something to make it at least somewhat original. In the end, there are a ton of flaws and the movie may not be great, but it is pretty much on par with other entries from The Asylum. Would I search it out, no, but it does serve well as a Sci-Fi backdrop to a slow creeping day.

Bermuda Tentacles (2014)

I took a couple days away from the blog so I could focus on finishing my college math homework for the week, and I was miserable. To make up for that misery, I ran out to pick up some Captain America Underoos, to help rid my mind of the useless math that I have been suffering through (one week to go). I also got back to some movies, first up is the mindless SyFy Channel original from 2014, Bermuda Tentacles.

Plot/ After Air Force One goes down during a storm over the Bermuda Triangle, the United States Navy is dispatched to find the escape pod holding the President. A giant monster beneath the ocean awakens and attacks the fleet.

It has been a while since I have ventured into the realm of SyFy Channel originals, and now, after suffering through another tremendous effort, the clock will start again. Sure, Bermuda Tentacles is not the worse entry, but that is not saying much. This one had very little going for it, with a few solid performances and a crazy storyline, but even those positives are not enough to make it a blip on the RADAR. The cinematography is all over, the scripting is incoherent, and the CGI created some of the most laughable creatures in some time. In the end, this predictable and clichéd CGI driven SyFy original may not be the worst entry from their catalog, but it rates near the bottom. There are clearly better choices; stay away!

Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys (2014)

After a night watching a serious supernatural flick that centered on a lake, I decided to go to extremes with my next selection. While I wanted to keep with the lake idea, finding something to fit that idea is not always easy. That is until I stumbled upon, Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys at Family video.

Plot/ After chomping through the fish population, thousands of starved lampreys begin attacking the citizens of a sleepy lake town, and the community scrambles to stay alive.

Let me start by saying that this movie ranks up there with the Sharknado’s of the world with its schlock factor. While it does not quite reach that insanity, it does have similar qualities, and in turn falls squarely into that category of cheesy Sci-Fi / nature gone wild genre. As usual with films by The Asylum, there are at least a couple of redeeming elements. Some of the performances work (Christopher Lloyd) and there is enough stupidity and silliness in the script to at least make you crack a smile. Unfortunately, the positives end there with a saturation of gore spawned by poor CGI, no atmosphere, cardboard characters, and zero originality. Even the lampreys seemed laughable as they were running amuck. In the end, this was a movie I expected from the SyFy Channel, not Animal Planet. Yes, there are a few entertaining moments, but unless you love this type of schlockfest, stay clear!

Zombie Night (2013)

As the Christmas holiday draws closer, it is always fun to stay up and enjoy some decent horror flicks with my extra time off from the institute. Of course, this also means that the daughters help steer my selections (Mortal Instruments, Percy Jackson). Luckily for me, I was able to find a zombie flick that was somewhat entertaining (for me and Jillian), the 2013 entry Zombie Night. 

Plot/ Zombies come out at night and two families must survive until morning.

The SyFy Channel flick from The Asylum is the typical low budget creation from the pairing. Yes, it does boast a better cast than usual, this one suffers many of the same flaws that frequent their collaborations. While this one was much better than the last flick from The Asylum that I reviewed, it is far from perfect. Some of the performances are decent, the zombie make-up is decent and the storyline has some interesting parts mixed in. Sure, it does have some cliched moments, there is very little plot, it is disjointed in places, and the ending was strange, but again, this was from The Asylum. In the end, I did watch the unrated version, which may make a difference, but this is far from the worst movie in the genre and actually one of the more entertaining flicks from The Asylum I have watched in some time. Yes, it has some issues, but it is definitely a family-friendly zombie flick that is watchable. 

100 Degrees Below Zero (2013)

When I heard the weather forecast last night, I decided that it was time to watch something with winter flair. I understand that it is but late fall, but the idea of snow with some accumulation does not bring a smile to my face. Of course, neither does talking to the VA, but that is exactly what I had to do today. With that in mind, I decided on the 2012 Sci-Fi flick, 100 Degrees Below Zero.

Plot/ After freak climate and weather events destroy the world around them, a group of rogue scientists attempt to reverse the deadly new ice age.

The entry from The Asylum may be one of the worst entries I have seen in some time and that is saying something. I have watched many flicks from them and this one actually sinks below any of them. Honestly, it makes Sharknado appear Oscar worthy. Luckily, I caught it on Netflix. The best part about the movie is the storyline, as a massive volcanic ash cloud is something that could be devastating. Besides that it comes complete with poor acting, a laughable script, head scratching moments and some of the worst special effects I have seen in some time. The CGI is terrible. In the end, this is one of the worst films I have seen in some time and I could not recommend it to anyone. 

The Bell Witch Haunting (2013)

I have always been interested in the Bell Witch and the legend that has risen from Tennessee. While I have accomplished some external research, I have not been able to follow that research with a detailed trip to visit the site. Until then, I will have to focus on movies that come out on the subject. With that in mind, my next flick was the Bell Witch Haunting from 2013. 

Plot/ Based on true events. The Robertson County Sheriff's Department has released footage found on the bodies of the Sawyer family's cell phones and video cameras. What was first thought to be a murder-suicide is now believed to be the return of a centuries-old demon responsible for America's most famous paranormal event.

This movie was an interesting found footage flick. While I am not the biggest fan of this genre as there are way too many popping up, this one did have some good moments. Early on this film showed definite potential and created some atmosphere as everything was set to the fringe, the acting is ok, the idea was decent and there was a lot there. Unfortunately, something happened to the directionality somewhere along the line and the movie spiraled. Once that began and the story cascaded out of control, and things became unbelievable, the pacing felt off and characters were uneven. In the end, this is not the best or worst in the genre and is watchable; although, I would go a different way if I had to do it again. 

13/13/13 (2013)

It was awesome hearing that my oldest daughter Genesis earned first chair for her trumpet section at the high school. While she is an underclassman, she is extremely talented and I am more than proud of her. There are many different horror movies out there and many different genres. Within those, there are movies that you may see and subconsciously know that you should pass. I know because I often pick them up regardless of my internal voices that steer me. Honestly, this was one of those, 13/13/13.

Plot/ For millennia, calendars have added an extra day every four years and in doing so, they violated the ancient law. Now after some 120 years, it is time for insanity to rise up.

Going into this flick from The Asylum, I figured that there would be a lot of craziness inside a movie that would likely not take itself seriously, and I was right. Unfortunately, I could not tell if these attributes were intentional or just an inherent flaw. That being said, there isn’t much to like about this one, as the idea was sound, but the execution was terrible. The overall plot was lacking, the acting subpar, and characterization miserable and flat. This one was truly hard to follow and made little sense. There are many other choices, go a different direction.

Sharknado (2013)

After a couple days of quiet, I decided to see what I had sitting in my queue to watch. While I had a variety to choose from, and could have dove into some Sci-Fi, or a classic slasher, I decided that I needed something a touch more laughable. My selection for the evening is the ultra-hyped SyFy Channel cheesefest Sharknado from 2013.

Plot/ When a freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles, nature's deadliest killer rules sea, land, and air as thousands of sharks terrorize the waterlogged populace.

After putting this off for some time now knowing this would be a train wreck, I decided that it was time to see what all the hype was about. Now I know and am glad I finally broke down to watch this schlockfest. This is beyond B-Movie camp, this is beyond ludicrous, yet, it definitely falls in the so back it is good category. Cinematically, it is horrid. It is incoherent, the storyline is crazy, the dialogue is non-existent and the CGI makes the reptile creature features appear to be Oscar worthy. All that being said, this has to be one of the most entertaining and laughable SyFy Creature Features that has crossed the screen in some time. If you have not seen this yet, check it out! It is a train wreck that is worth watching.

Alien Abduction (2005)

As I am here with the daughters as Brenda is in North Carolina suffering through the unexpected and tragic death of her mother, my movie time is limited to late in the evening. I do this as an attempt to balance, cleaning time and television time with the girls. To this point, it has worked rather well. With that in my mind, I decided on something mindless tonight after a couple episodes of the X-Files, my selection, Alien Abduction from 2005.  

Plot/ After being abducted by extra terrestrials, Jean and her friends are committed to a top secret government run mental institution to undergo tests and be brainwashed.

Low budget entries that involve The Asylum are always a dicey situation. The can run the gambit from horrid to entertaining. With this one, I will admit, falls into the entertaining category. Yes, it does come complete with the signature low budget production values, especially with the alien make-up and effects that are all over the place. Other than that, once you get through some of the storyline flaws, you have an interesting and entertaining flick. The acting is uneven, with some of the performances being extremely good, the look and feel is solid, and the plot made sense on some levels. Yes, there are some characterization issues, but that may go with the uneven acting. In the end, I really enjoyed this low budget entry, as it was entertaining and mindless. Could it have been better with a larger budget, probably? However, with what was available, this one hits the spot. That being said, do not run out and buy it, check it out on Netflix as I did.